I haven’t posted on here in a bit and thought I’d get back to it today!
First off, happy holidays to all– belated holidays that is. I hope everyone’s Christmas was spectacular and filled with good company and good food! 😀
Having been home & away from college for the past two weeks, I have come to realize a few things that have changed about me as an only child.
First off, the silence, the quiet, and the presence of only my parents.
In college, when homework is feeding on my brain, I can take a mental break and walk downstairs to find someone playing piano, jamming on the ukelele, or simply hanging out! It can be midnight and I can almost always find some people hanging out and singing to the strums of their guitars.
At home, I walk into the living room and my parents are the only ones sitting there. No guitars. No jamming. No talk about how hectic the day was– but nonetheless good company.
The other things I miss are the muffled conversations– whether they be outside my dorm room in the hallway or in the study room. I miss hearing other people’s voices. When I’m home alone, the silence forms this huge bubble and traps me inside it and it is an encroaching and powerful force that pushes my ear drums almost to the point of explosion. You know that game you played in elementary school when everyone grabs an edge of a big parachute and counts to 5 then pulls the parachute underneath their bottoms and sits under the bubble? That’s silence. Silence is that bubble pressing down on me when I’m home alone. I can’t stand that silence now. My mind has become so trained in anticipating others’ company when I take a walk downstairs to fill up my water bottle or send a letter. Being back at home has thrown off that wishful thinking and now makes me appreciate that feeling of always knowing my friends are right downstairs.
Another thing that’s hard is the fact that all of my high school friends are 3000 miles across the country from me! That means that my mom and I have had plenty of bonding time this winter break, but I am definitely not complaining, we’ve had a lot of good laughs and fun times so far.
Yesterday, we found this cool trail that led up to the rugged and shaggy hillsides of our cute little California town. The sun kissed the day goodbye and its last light given off bounced off the mountains in a sienna orange hue. SO beautiful. On our hike, cactus plants sat squatly along the trails. Mom noticed the fruit sitting plump and ripe on the cactus and decided to pick it. She handed it to me & before we knew it, prickles of cactus pear fruits created a porcupine layer on our fingers. So much for picking the cactus pear!
This morning, mom & I went to a lovely church service. I didn’t go to church this past quarter during my first weeks at college, but I am going to change that this coming quarter. Although we did not attend church every Sunday back in Connecticut, we still went more often than not. After being in the presence of other Christians and hearing the sermons, singing my favorite Christmas carol “Go Tell it on the Mountain,” I have officially decided that I will join a church when I go back to college. There is something so lovely and comforting by singing and rejoicing with others about this world that God has created. I feel like I have drifted from my faith this past quarter and I would like to decrease that distance I created. This quarter, I will work towards becoming closer to God, not only to strengthen my faith, but to give me a more positive mentality as I live through my next quarter.
As for the rest of the day– mom and I may go on a hike. My run is done with, something I am so happy about. Since being home, I have not had the dread of waking up to an alarm. My mornings have begun no sooner than 9:00, a time I would have already been two hours ahead of on a typical summer morning. While sleeping in has been more than a luxury, it has also caused me to become more lazy, more unmotivated, and less enthusiastic about running.
There is something so special, invigorating, awakening, energy-channeling, and refreshing about waking up & running to the rising of the sun. To wake up with the day is one of the greatest pleasures in which we can delight. This morning when I went for my run, I did not dread traveling those sidewalks and passing the houses nestled so tightly together. I enjoyed my run in the neighborhood for the first time since being home. Today, I possessed a new mentality. I woke up at 7:30 am and got my day going right away. The sun, just yawning and the clouds just beginning to collect in the sky, textured like ripples in the sand greeted me as I inhaled the fresh, cold, morning air. To me, these morning runs are the ultimate form of ecstasy, for the mind and the body. When few cars roam early in the morning and only nature is alive and saying hello to the day, I can truly listen to the world and myself. It is the connection between me and the world that I can indulge in in only the mornings. Come afternoon, traffic builds up. Roads become congested and sirens cough and cars scream at each other. The sun has already beaten its competition to the finish line and has begun its day. However, in the mornings, I begin at the starting line with the sun and have the privilege to run beside it and wake up to the day with it– and that is the ultimate feeling.
I am so glad that I have written my thoughts down here as a summary of these past few days here.
I hope that all of you out there are healthy, happy, and enjoying your lives.
Schellong for now.