Well, tomorrow is the day.
I’m going back to see my birth country tomorrow…. and I haven’t packed.
I’ve been feeling a mixed medley of nervous, anxious and excited.
Nervous, because I won’t know what to expect, and excited because of the energy of being in a new place.
My parents and I have been planning this trip for the past year, and it will be the longest trip we’ve ever taken together.
In China, we will be visiting:
- Quzhou + Tianma Town (my finding spot)
On my birthday, we’ll be visiting my finding spot, also known as the place where I was found and taken to the Social Welfare Institute thereafter.
On this trip my goal is to:
- approach everything with an open mind
- understand more about my identity
- learn the history of my birth country
But on this trip, I’m not going with the intent of finding biological family.
Some adopted children have taken an interest in reuniting with their birth parents, however, I have not felt a desire to do so just yet –If the time ever came to where I wanted to find my biological parents, it would be for the certainty — to say for certain that they’re alive, in good health and spirits and doing well. I would want to thank them and would not want them to feel any type of remorse or guilt for giving me up because I am content with the way my life has turned out. I would want for us all to know that we are happy and in good health.
So, I would set out to find my biological parents for the comfort in knowing they’re doing okay. I also think it would be fascinating to hear the story behind why I was abandoned 10 days after my birth. Those are two questions which I have considered multiple times, but at this present moment, do not take as large of an interest in finding out, though one day I will.
Some people who are not involved in the adopted parents/children community sometimes ask, “are you going to meet your real parents?”
I will say that for me, the term “real” is slightly uncomfortable because it suggests the people who raised me from age 1 to 18 aren’t considered my parents…
Usually when I am asked this question, I explain my perspective on what constitutes a parent.
I see parents and parenting as those who nurture, care and protect you in your childhood and adolescent years, I consider my adopted parents to be my parents. If I am asked about “real parents,” I suggest we use the term biological parents to distinguish between the parents who raised me and the parents who conceived me. This language is referred to in the adopted community as Positive Adoption Language, or PAL for short. I will write more on this topic as the time comes, but I feel like it’s important to establish how I feel personally about the term, “Real parents.”
This is all for now, but I’m very excited to be returning to China for the first time since 22 years ago.
To reach me, we can keep in touch via WeChat!