I use my car as an escape

My mom tells me I use my car to escape.
She’s not wrong.
When I’m in my car
It is one of the few times
When I can go faster
Than my mind can process
My thoughts
She never understood why.
I would feel the need to escape
Why the road was always calling
Or why I always had to go to the gym
Not because of an unhealthy obsession
But because it put my body into motion
pitting my thoughts and my body against one another
in a race.
I’m always advancing in a car,
though it feels like cheating,
because I’m not putting in any [strenuous] physical effort
And yet, as I’m advancing, mile by mile,
I don’t always seek to be moving at that same pace
In my personal goals
In my professional pursuits
What if I were to stop using my car
to escape an internal problem
And instead drive forward internally,
Move toward my goals and ambitions
rather than another exit on the freeway
that takes me nowhere closer to my goal
Perhaps it’s a training process
That I have been too easy,
too quick to slam the brakes
Because I get impatiently easily
Red lights and stop signs
have always made me uneasy
The quote goes
Life is not what happens,
But how we react
I react to my thoughts by trying to escape them
Rather than doing something to change them
I’m reactive
I need to slow down
And be proactive
And perhaps instead of erratically braking,
I will drive slower,
it’s better for the car after all,
but also for me,

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